Cum mi-a salvat fotbalul viata

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Nu cred ca stiti, dar eu am practicat fotbalul in tineretile mele pubertine. Am fost cel mai promitator fundas dreapta la acele vremuri (adica promiteam multe, ca dau, ca fac...pana la urma tot cu stangu-n dreptu' nimeream). Eram respectat pana si de catre adversari (e cam greu sa nu respecti pe cineva care alearga de zici ca se preface). Dar deja intram in detalii, asa ca ma axez pe subiect.


Miercurea trecuta eram in drum spre casa, dupa ce lucrasem la un proiect cu gust de tzuica fiarta, la baieti in camin. Vremea era potrivita pentru a filma un videoclip remixat post-mortem "Thriller". Zona era potrivita pentru a filma un clip electoral al psd-ului (Piata Obor). Ma indrept eu spre o strada intunecata, cu gandul de a scurta distanta parcursa pana la statia de maxi-taxi de pe ziduri mosi. Nu fac 5 pasi pe strada intunecata, ca din boscheti apar 4 caini. In secundele urmatoare, alti 5 si-au facut aparitia, fiecare dupa cate o masina(de-aici incolo n-am tinut numaratoarea). Eu nu aveam decat o mapa in mana, deci nu era situatia de a face pe eroul. Asa ca am luat-o la fuga incetisor, cand cu spatele, cand cu fata, cand in lateral. Mapa o foloseam pe post de arma, eram exact ca Indiana Jones cand speria mumiile cu o torta.

Desi oarecum panicat, mi-am dat seama ca faceam o greseala, deoarece eu tot alergam spre capatul strazii intunecate, unde era si mai si. Asa ca, la un moment dat, m-am oprit. Proasta alegere, pentru ca, fiind imprejmuit de un gard, in spate, si 2 masini in lateral, ajunsesem la momentul face2face cu 15 caini. Asa ca am avut un moment de sclipire, copiat dintr-un meci al meu cu Metalu', cand m-am facut ca alerg spre un adversar si de fapt m-am indreptat spre altul(ii faultam pe amandoi daca legile fizicii imi permiteau).
Asa am facut si cu potaile. M-am facut ca fug intr-o directie si m-am intors brusc, de i-am pacalit pe fraieri cu stil. In timpul intoarcerii mele, chiar am vrut sa pedepsesc un pacatos, dar, exact ca atunci cand eram fotbalist, am dat pe langa.
Dupa ce-am aplicat aceasta metoda, am luat-o la fuga tati. Fiarele tot ma urmareau si chiar ma ajungeau daca nu se intampla minunea: o masina isi facu aparitia si astfel potaile se rarisera. Am ajuns la strada luminata si, dupa ce am scapat de ultimul caine, exact ca un lup urban, am rabufnit, avand privirea indreptate spre blocurile ce ma inconjurau: "Sa va fut in gura care i-ati crescut. Sa-mi bag pl in destinul aluia care le-a dat sa manance." O paznica de la Bucur Obor se uita ciudat spre mine. Eu m-am uitat calm spre ea ... "Tu ce te uiti, baga-mi-as pl si-n cainii tai".

M-am calmat si m-am indreptat spre ale mele. In lupta mea cu potaile, am avut impresia ca am fost muscat, dar nu am avut pantalonii capsati. Totusi, in noaptea ce-a urmat, nu stiu de ce am visat ca imi cazuse piciorul stang.

Ciudat este ca nu e prima oara cand mi se intampla asta. Acum un an, in aceeasi zona, era sa fiu pus la respect de vreo 12 caini si jumatate, dar i-am fentat si p-astia.
Data viitoare, ma jur ca nu mai alerg. O sa stau pe loc si o sa le zic " Baa...eu am fost fotbalist!"

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